It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize