I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
