I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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