the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
