bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you didnt know i had herpes?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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