your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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