there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize