So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
