I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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