just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize