so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
