Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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