Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
