His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize