Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My vagina is very pro this idea
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
