The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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