duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I know her cup size but not her name....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
