summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Semen is not good for contacts.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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