She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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