There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
