How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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