Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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