Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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