OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
