So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
