We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sorry my hands just texted you
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
