I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
