Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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