Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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