i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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