The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How external is "for external use only"?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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