She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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