You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
