A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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