I can tuck mytits in my pants
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
