Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
