you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
