You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
