My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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