Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
