Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize