Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize