They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
