I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
