remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
