I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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