People in love make me want to vomit
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
