be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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