Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she smelled like a LAN party
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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