im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
