note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
