I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
