Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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