I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Panties = found
Randomize
