i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
