batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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