he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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