Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
