anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
