This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
