Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
