The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
