just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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