1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
