I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize