I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
