It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
