some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
