a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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