you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
