Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
