with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
People in love make me want to vomit
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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