Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
