he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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