u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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