I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize