just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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