Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
