im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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