I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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