Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
