im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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