Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
