it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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