ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
