You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
