very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
