youre lurking in front of me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
