Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
4 words: hood of his car
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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