whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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