The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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