I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
