Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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