I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I understand Curling. That high.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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