My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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