I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
