I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
