Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize