you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
