so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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