There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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