that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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